I’m staying with my parents at Kampung Belawai now. I like staying here because there are no problems getting here, and there are enough foods as well. So being enjoy and fat, is there any problem? Haha.
But my mind is staying at Sarikei now. I miss my home. I mean this one is home too because I have my parents here, but I miss my other home where there are TV and internet.
Because of the boredom in my life, I have finished reading my “City of Thieves”. It’s an interesting book. I can learn how Russians survived from the German in early 1942. But there is a question where I can’t get the answer even I have finished reading it. It sounded like this, “There are billions of stars in the universe. We’re surrounded by stars. And all of them emit light, the light travels forever. So why isn’t the sky bright at night?”
Next topic. I have a sentence about love (why I choose his topic?) and it’s like this, “everything is everything, but everything is over, everything could be everything, if only we were older.” Are you guys agreeing with this sentence? I’m very sure you guys have your own opinion and I’m waiting for it.
Hey, long time no see? Hehe it’s been almost 3 months since I’m not writing any posts. It’s not that I don’t have any idea, nor I have too much to tell. It is all about commitment. Yes, my life was miserable this time. I hear but I don’t listen, I study but I don’t learn, and I live but then not enjoy.
Right now, I have to be selfish. I have to with all the problems, papers, and works. Yeap, it is a bad way, but what can I do? I have a lot of problems, and at the same time my friend wants to share his. So the solution is I hear but I don’t listen. I’m in the class but my head keep torturing when my works will finish? So I study, but I don’t learn. All of these make me realize that I have to give a damn to others because I don’t want to be crazy (yesterday one of my colleagues having overstressed, been sent to hospital).
But I know my limit. I can’t blame the surroundings when the problem-maker was me myself? You guys out there don’t try to follow me because surely it’s not the healthy way. Blaming others. You believe in karma, right? So don’t.
Yes, sometimes you can ask a person to throw the pebbles into the well, but when the well runs dry, people will not blaming the person who threw it but you who ask for it.
I’m asking you people a question now. What is the first thing you guys will doing when there are something bad, something that you guys don’t want it to be happen, smashing into your life?
And I know just the right answer for the question. As far as I concerned, you people will sighing. hehe. Is that right? Yeeaaa..
There are times when I was enjoying my good days, smiling and suddenly turned out to be very strongly challenging my body, my mind and my soul. Freeze, cold, mourning and no more smiling. Hopeless.
When I went to my PA’s office to settle some stuffs and she was not there, I hold my breath. When my friend, Zedd were having fracture on his leg at the same time my course mate, Bey and her ear-ache, I hold my breath. When I heard one of my best friends turned out more emotional, I hold my breath. All these things made me realize that if I hold my breath, there is a way to be good again.
I hold my breath; there is a way to be good again.
But, when it comes to commitment, it is a big “P” okay. How can I going to do any of these if I were busy enough doing my own work? How can I be a very good friend if I don’t even listen to them? How can I grab a “chance” when my hand full with other “responsibility”? I hold my breath but at the end, I sighed.
Now I’m asking, is there any way to be good again?
As for child, sleeping is the alternative way to deal with terror. They would fall asleep when they finish their tears. As for now, I will deal with terror in another way. Tea.
Right now I have 5 collections of tea which are English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Lady Grey, Darjeeling, and Prince of Wales Tea. Each of them is made from different ingredients, blended together and the result is a tea with different aroma and taste. It’s like I’ve been awakened and I have a good time every time I sipped a tea.
The year 2008 was about to close its curtain, and I celebrating the threshold of 2009 alone with tea in front of me. But then I think, did the problem or the terror really gone after we drink the tea?
So I sipped for the last time, I opened my eyes and it is 2009 before I realized something. The tea is just a media for us to forget it for a moment. And then you will face the real life just as soon as you have the last sip of tea. Later, you will realize that the tea is just the same. The aroma will vanish and the tea itself will finish.
But what makes it different is the moment you drink it. Who is the person that you sit with? Are you enjoying that moment or not? It will remain in your head until the end of time.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009
It’s been a while I’m not updating. Yes, there are times when my life is miserable; up and down here and there, but when I am busy, I don’t even have much time to think about the how-miserable-I-am and forcing me to update my blog. Trust me, I was too busy lately! Hence, it’s a normal life.
Right now I’m waiting my friend, Fadhil to fetch me up. From now on, I will no longer here, at k6, UPM. Lots of moments here, but then I will bring it all with me. I am no longer being a transportation volunteer of Asean University Games 2008. Being a volunteer for me was not hard enough. There are plenty of thoughts juggling on my head. When will I get my money? What I want to eat after this? Where is that? All these thoughts, heavy are it? Haha..
But now, I cannot determine all the thoughts in my head. Scary enough because you cannot predict what I will be after this. A shopaholic? A helpful housemate at Equine Park? Or a lonely person in 148?
I don’t know, and I wonder when this labyrinth will go.
People say that you don’t have to be regret of what you have done.
I went to Akmar’s wedding on last Friday. I was so happy on that day. I woke up early in the morning and went to Pudu. But in the end when I heard of Paiman will not going to Kedah, I regret. But I know I have to fight it. I want to see my best friend as “Raja Sehari”. After all, I want to hang out with my former classmates as well.
So in the morning, I drove Akmar to her Mak Andam house and wait patiently until she done with the makeup. Oops..sorry. The original version was I hang out with Akmar’s sister, Mira. I drove her car around Alor Star and after Kemat has done, I took her and we went back to her house. During that time, I was so happy. Oops..sorry. I was really really happy because I can talk with her, you know; single-friend to single-friend. Hehe. After this I have to switch on filter system in my mouth when I want to talk with married-friend.
The wedding was held on 2.00 pm. But what have I done? I went back to KL with my friend Kida on 1.30 pm. So in the car, I regret for the second time.
In life, you don’t have to choose the right or wrong but the best decision for you. After that you will face whether you regret or you happy with it. For me, it’s okay if you regret. Be positive and bear in mind that there will be a pearl in the mud and water for you to move the dirt. Hehe.
And here it is. When you regret, just ask yourself “why do I picked this?”. Keep asking and you will find the answer. For that question, I get my answer.
~F.r.i.e.n.d.s.h.i.p~
From the trip, I met Low Wei Han, Audy, Syu, Ina, Ira, Akmar, Rudy, Kida, Tiem, Sunarti. 10 pearls.
What do you think? Yesterday my friends and I were having tea together at “mapele” called Al-Wira near to South City Plaza. Nice place, nice people, and nice view. It was the first time for CJ but not for me and Afiq. We started at 0030 and ended at 0500. Great time!
What do you think? We were having “shisha”. That night, we ordered for grape + applemint. Addicted, by the time 0330 we ordered for one more flavor, blueberry + watermelon. Great double shot!
What do you think? We’ve learned one interesting trick during “shisha-ing”. (hehe). Is and his friend brought bubble. When we smoke, we blew it in a bottle and the output was a bubble filled with smoke. It was hard for a beginner like me but I will get use to it. They learned it from Youtube. Great lesson!
What do you think, there was a new drink sold at al-Wira yesterday. Meaning that the first customer who bought it was us! And the person who introduced the drink was Is’s friend, Jeff. The price for a bottle of “Barbican” was RM3.50. Great drink!
What do you think, when you heard me going to mosque? Don’t laugh, because it was true. After 0500, we went to the mosque. At first it was not because of the azan, but it was because of the gate was not open yet (hehe). So, I read pages of Al-Quran and I prayed. Alhamdulillah…great co-incident!
Living this way I stress less. Not the “shisha” and “mapele” thing, but what I mean is the “great-great things happen in life”. I’m sure people will be happy if great things happened to them. Because we can set in the pain so we don’t have to cry.
But what do you think when you wake up after that?
Yesterday was gone, it was a memory now.
Why all good things do comes to an end?
Life is dandy?
Yes, because beneath all the great things, lies the bad things. No matter where we are, up in the sky or on the ground, we still feel the gravity.
I just got back from c*u*i*g. I don’t want to talk about it. Yet I am not so proud of the hell that I have done.
This is the thing that I hate the most about myself. I always make a confession. Sooner or later, the confession transforms into confusion. “Bertukar!!” Slowly, the bad desire becomes bigger and bigger. It conquers all over the body and soul and suddenly ‘eats’ the confusion. “Blrruuppp… “And this is me then, living green with regret. “Oh noooooo..”
I am talking about breaking rule. And the best part is I break MY OWN RULE.. Is that a small problem? No, it’s not. It is totally not. Why I am here? I hate this place. Is it because of my desire? Or else? I am a liar?
In that place, I saw a lot of people with a lot of appearances and interpretations. Weird is it? They talked, but people can’t hear. They’re all dressed up and keep dancing, but people can’t see because there was no light. And for me, I just sat and ignore them all. I don’t have any during that time. Definitely, maybe. Hehe.
And then, the desire popped up. “Jeng jeng jeng….” Why should I think about it? You are in this room now. So, wake up! Because all you have to do is just to get worth with it. All out you retard! “Debusshhhh…”
So in that room, I dance and I sang in the silhouette of my own disappointment.
Was that because of my desire? Or else? I am a liar?
Just now, my sister called me. She said that my grandfather had gone. Dear God, please take care of my father. He’s not in good condition today. His father was dead. For sure today was really tough for him.
My father’s father..
He celebrated Hari Raya with all his family gathered round. He was not well enough during Hari Raya. He coughed several times and vomited every time he ate. That was the end of his Hari Raya
4 October 2008 my family visited him. I saw him lying on his bed. He was very weak. I told him not to wake up. I wished him, I rubbed his skin, I stroked his hair, and I kissed in his head. And that was the end of the day he saw me.
“if you’re on bed, you’re dead..” (Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie)
After a couple of weeks, he admitted to Hospital Sarikei. TB infection he was. And on that moment, he thought that it was the end of his being home.
After my sister called, I took a bath, I prayed, and I read Yassin. Now I know that it was the end of his life..
~aL-Fatihah~
